Thursday, September 19, 2013

A list of maladies

I've made a list of all my health complaints and issues. It ended up being separated into a before baby section and an after baby section. My dissected life.

The list will:
1. motivate me to make the changes I need to make
2. keep motivating me through my long and frequent "lapses" that will occur from now until eternity
2. help me track any health improvements as I move towards being sugar free (note to self - quit sugar)


Health Complaints Summary

Before Baby

* Overweight since childhood with some yo-yo’ing. Only successful technique to keep weight under control was extreme exercise
* Diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis around 24 years old, no side effects so no treatment at that time
* Bad episode of glandular fever at 30, took over a year to feel like energy levels were “normal” again. As part of fatigue management started thyroid replacement medication. Dose stayed same and did not change until pregnancy
* Diagnosed with PCOS at 32
* Perfectionist and competitive (but I thought I was just hard-working)
* Patello fermeral knee pain (well-managed by physio) but slight clicky knee
* Intermittent/Low sex drive
* Allergies (dust mites and pollen)
* Very dark circles under eyes
* Limp, oily hair

After Baby
* Gained a further 5kg after baby born. Currently around 15kg over pre-baby weight (not sure as no longer weigh self)
* Total reliance on sugar to get through day’s energy slumps. Consumption of chocolate and other sugary, processed carbohydrate food has increased. Always had a sweet tooth, but didn't consume this much or this often ever before
* Skipping some meals which never used to do
* Extreme fatigue, particularly in afternoon and early evening. Comes and goes in good and bad waves which last around 1-4 weeks
* Don’t wake up feeling rested. Very rarely have a deep sleep. The more tired I feel, the worse I sleep. If I’m woken at 3am by needing to go to the toilet, a bad dream, or being hot then not only do I toss and turn until 6am but I also find that I get into the pattern of waking at 3am several nights in a row and can’t break it.
* Thyroid dose increased up and down a little but with no clear results
* Increased susceptibility to infections. Recently had an ear infection for first time since childhood and now have sinusitis first time ever
* Planta Fasciitis in both feet which took about 12 months to heal (apparently caused by weight gain and increased stretchiness of ligaments from pregnancy hormones)
* Significant loss of muscle tone, causing problems around hips, knees and ankles
* Pregnancy-related groin pain (myofascial) that was occasional but at its worst about 15 months after baby born (potentially injury because abdominal muscles very weak). 
* Very clicky knees
* First few months after birth had terrible carpel tunnel in my hands, I still wake up with pins and needles or completely numb hands quite often
* Diagnosed with Psoriasis on knees that has not responded to any topical creams, hasn't improved in over a year
* Sometimes get a painful swelling and red itchiness on joints (ankles, knees, knuckles and wrists mostly) during night and morning, usually lasts until the afternoon and then disappears. Not every day, just random, can’t work out the cause
* Constant (more than 10 times per day) comparison of myself to other mothers. All the fit and healthy ones with energy and ability to fit in clothes that make them look good. Also the ones with successful careers and planted vegetable patches, who are able to take their babies and toddlers on interstate and overseas holidays
*Diagnosed with anxiety disorder and post natal depression. Felt better after a short course of 6 counselling sessions, but do find that sad periods can creep up on me again like they never used to. Get more teary, down and overwhelmed during stressful periods than I used to
* When I need to do a number 2, the need comes suddenly and its very urgent. Waiting causes cramps and pain (not fun on public transport)
* Zero sex drive
* Increased allergy to cat hair
* Even darker circles under eyes
* Even limper and oilier hair



Monday, September 9, 2013

Rest under a tree, out of the wind


Its windy today in Sydney. Far too windy and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel flustered, drained, annoyed and angry at nothing and everything. 

Sarah Wilson has a post (or maybe a few) commenting on the fact that wind is bad for stirring up “vata” energy and therefore exhausts the adrenals. I think that’s why she recommends staying out the wind on her “thyroidy” days. More here and here.

But here's the thing. Compared to Sarah (I know, don't compare) I can’t do what I want, when I want. I have a 2 year old boy who needs entertainment. Its not that easy to change plans and stay inside.

Generally, my needs have to come second when he is awake. Time for myself happens when he’s sleeping. I also make the effort to schedule in baby-sitting for me time each week, but I can't predict when its going to be windy or when I am going to have a "thyroidy" day (ie, when I'm simply not in the mood). So I have to push through until the next break comes.

The thing that made me really think about this was Sarah’s recent "I ate sugar" post. It was a lovely post. She shared and embraced her vulnerability publicly which is so important to show other women that they are not alone.

But there is one thing Sarah said that I have stuck in my mind-  that she sat under a tree for 2 hours to recover from the sugar after-effects.

How many people can do that? I can't. I can sit down for only about 10 minutes and there is probably someone little (but heavy enough) crawling all over me while I’m doing it. 

I think my inability to sit under a tree could be the reason for my current "lapse". Instead of Sarah’s experience of having a “lapse” but then recovering over the rest of the day, I have a lapse and I’m back on the sugar roller coaster for good. It keeps going for days and days and only gets worse. 

I'm back on sugar now. And I have so much of it too. Box after box of chocolate biscuits and pastries and chocolate and ice cream. Its not a lapse. Its a very serious addiction and problem. But I don’t have time or space or opportunity to sit under a tree and deal with it. Instead I just reach for more and keep on going. In the wind.