Mind Body Connection - Pain

For the last week I've had have a pain radiates out from the centre of my sacrum, over my bum to the hips and then down my legs through the middle of my thighs and into the backs of me knees.  It started higher in my back but now its right in the sacroiliac joint and nerve. Its tender, its on fire, its aching. Each time a heath practitioner touches me they say “Oh wow” or “Goodness me!”. Its a polite way of expressing their shock and wonder at how I managed to get so tight in there. The lightest of touches causes me to flinch. The muscles are knotted and twisted on the surface and fiery red angry deep down.

I've always had problems emanating from my hips. The muscles that attach to them, and its always caused problems up and down my legs.

On my acupuncturists table this morning I made a connection that I never made before. One that is so blindingly obvious and simple that I cannot believe that I only see it now.

These are the parts of my body that I hate the most. Yes, I loathe these powerful limbs and bones that support my body every day.

I need to love myself to heal myself. I have to listen to what my body is saying to me.

Links between Sciatic Pain and Emotions:

http://www.luismartinssimoes.com/sciatic-nerve-pain/

http://www.bodywindow.com/lower-back-pain.html#sthash.uWVfKw8o.dpbs

Sweet Revenge

I've found a new source of motivation for eating better, exercising more, getting fitter, healthier and happier. Its working better than any other type of motivation I've tried before. I've tried the popular ones - doing it for myself, doing it for my son, doing it for my wedding. Nothing special happened. But now, I'm doing it for revenge.

I am struggling with the idea as revenge is rooted in anger, resentment and bitterness instead of the love and peace I want to create in my life. But, the thing is, its working so well.

Every time I start to eat my son's leftovers, to buy a pastry or chocolate, to eat an extra serving - I stop. I stop and say to myself  "I'm not going to give him the satisfaction." That one phrase is enough to make me turn away from the temptation and strengthen my resolve.

I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of becoming a pathetically overweight, unhappy, down-trodden single mum. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of escape. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of being happier than me.

Emotional Healing required

Before I left for Gaia I purchased Dr Libby's ebook "Beauty from the Inside Out". It is a whopping 582 pages though so I didn't take it with me.

Ever since I arrived home I've been slowly making my way through it. Each time I manage to sit down and focus on it for 50 pages or so I have an "a-ha" moment.

Dr Libby has pinpointed things that no GP or other specialist has been able to for me. For example, the trigger to my hypothyroidism was when I had glandular fever. (I knew that's what happened myself, but no medically-trained person said to me "yes, this is why that happened and why that makes sense".) 

When I read what Dr Libby has to say on the link between emotions and weight loss (and adrenal fatigue), that's when the light bulb really went on for me. Up until now, whenver anyone has said that we need to heal our emotional issues in order to lose weight, I thought it was bullcrap.

Not anymore.

I'm not going to be able to explain why in a blog post (it takes Dr Libby 582 pages to explain why). But here's a brilliant metaphor she used. I've paraphrased:

There are many steps you can take to actively assist your body when balancing hormones and reducing stress (ie diet changes, supplements, relaxation techniques). But you should also get to the heart of the matter to see why you do what you do when you know what you know - its not a lack of education or knowledge that leads you to eat too much sugar- its biochemical or emotional, or both.

Otherwise its like trying to stop a bath from overflowing by easing the plug out of the hole while leaving the tap running. Exploring the emotional side of your health lets you turn off the tap.

Thank you Dr Libby. I'm going to work on turning off the tap. 

The third revolution for women

Today I came across a beautiful blending of two beliefs I hold passionately:

(1) The need to find a new way of working, see my post here on Nigel Marsh

(2) The need to no longer have the world run by men who value power and money. See one of my favourite TED talks by Eve Ensler about embracing the inner girl in each of us.

And also this talk by Isabelle Allende.

The talk I came across today blends each of these ideas. I give you Arianna Huffington of the Huffington Post giving a Commencement Speech:

My takeaways from what she said are:

A Third Revolution is needed to change the way women work and to change the definition of a successful career (away from the historical male made model).

Success how we have defined it is no longer sustainable for human beings or the planet.

We need to include well-being in our definition of success. 

Stay connected to the essence of who you are - you will easily lose it because the society around you values money and power.

If we stay connected to the essence of who we are then we can use our inner wisdom when "running the world".

We can all then live our lives with more grace, more truth, more empathy and more gratitude.

Amen

Wheat and Dairy Free (and sugar too)

When I was at Gaia, I ate wholesome meals such as muesli and poached fruit with yogurt or vegetable frittata for breakfast; salad, avocado on sprouted grain bread, kale soup and bean casserole for lunch; and grilled prawns or chicken with vegetables for dinner and fruit based desserts. I rarely snacked and if I did, it was on nuts or fruit. I drank a lot of herbal tea.

The food they provided was very low in sugar, wheat and dairy. It was extremely different to my regular diet.

Lunch Day 1

Lunch Day 2

After eating like this for just 2 days I feel fantastic. I felt lighter in every aspect.  I was at peace with my eating. After just 2 days I even felt like my pants were looser around the waist.

I saw a naturopath when I was there who reminded me of the Type A diet I should be following for my blood type- not only low in meat but also low in wheat and dairy. So I tried to keep the dairy and wheat intake low when I got home. They started to slowly creep back in here and there. I thought to myself that once per week was ok. And I still felt good.

Then I started drinking milky coffee 3 times per week. Then I started eating bread occasionally and then the chocolate, pastries and biscuits followed suit. The overeating and the junk is back and so is feeling bloated and uncomfortable. The contrast is incredible. I feel so heavy and big that I even find it harder to breathe.

My body is telling me LOUD and clear (using the same words I hear from my son all day) :  "I DON'T LIKE IT!" It doesn't like having to process all this crap.

I need to listen to how I feel.



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My time belongs to someone else

Recently I came across two blog posts that were open and honest about how being a mum can sometimes be tough and tiring. I respected the authors more after reading them. I believe women should share their struggles and show each other that we are not alone. We should be open. There is no reason to hide.

The two posts were by Pia Jane Bijerk who I just discovered and was immediately drawn to and by Joanna Goddard who is essentially the reason why I write this blog of my own. You can find the posts I'm referring to here and here.

Last night I watched a British drama set in the 1950s in which a women gave birth to a premature baby. In the end it survived but it was 'touch and go' for awhile. I got very emotional thinking about how precious my little one is. I reminded myself that I would do anything for him, to protect him and make him happy.

But this morning, I was back in the real world. Today I had my once a week outdoor fitness class booked in. As always, my little man kicked up a fuss when he saw what I wearing and figured out where we are going. Usually he calms down once we've arrived and even has fun for most of the hour.

Today he wasn't having it though. As we got closer to the park where the training is, his crying got more intense. I wanted to be firm, I didn't want him to manipulate me. I wanted to give myself this 1 hour of exercise. We parked the car and I spent a little while trying to comfort him. All he wanted was to go home. I eventually decided I couldn't do it today. I wasn't feeling strong enough. I had to give in.

I shed a few tears as we drove away. I cannot make plans for myself anymore without the possibility that they might have to be broken. No time is truly my own anymore. When I first became a mum I was acutely aware of this fact every day. Now it tends to hit me in the face more rarely, but it still hurts when it does. Last night I was prepared to make any sacrifice for my son. I still am. But I can't help feeling sorry for myself when I do.

Leaving the Corporate World behind

I find myself drawn to articles about the need for more flexible work arrangements. Have a look at Women's Agenda and you will find many good ones.

When I read these articles I tend to get frustrated.

When it comes to large corporations (and law firms) talking about how they support women in the workplace and provide flexible work-place arrangements, my skeptical opinion is that its mostly lip-service. There are exceptions, but they are rare and they are most certainly not offered to new employees.

I was at a female business mentoring event recently, speaking to the female CFO of a multi-national. She had inspiring stories to tell about how women can progress in her organisation. I was motivated just listening to her. A week later, my friend who happens to work at that same organisation had her request for job-share arrangements turned down by her male manager. She had to resign as working full-time while she has two young children (1 and 3) isn't something she's prepared to do.

My conclusion is that its not possible to work flexibly for a corporation. Their mindset isn't in the right place to properly embrace it. Corporations exist to make money, not happy workers.

I left working in financial corporations about 3 years ago. I have only occasionally thought of going back, attracted by the higher salary mostly. But also by the efficiency of how they get things done (it suits my results-driven personality!). But I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm out for good now. I want to be available when my son needs me for at least another 17 years. And I can't see how that can happen if I go back to working in finance.

Part of me feels scared by this realisation, I feel trapped by cutting myself out of that huge employment market. But if I try hard enough I also liberated and excited about being able to pursue a career that has more meaning to me. Also one that is more within my own control than that of shareholders who need me to work full-time during business hours.