The third revolution for women

Today I came across a beautiful blending of two beliefs I hold passionately:

(1) The need to find a new way of working, see my post here on Nigel Marsh

(2) The need to no longer have the world run by men who value power and money. See one of my favourite TED talks by Eve Ensler about embracing the inner girl in each of us.

And also this talk by Isabelle Allende.

The talk I came across today blends each of these ideas. I give you Arianna Huffington of the Huffington Post giving a Commencement Speech:

My takeaways from what she said are:

A Third Revolution is needed to change the way women work and to change the definition of a successful career (away from the historical male made model).

Success how we have defined it is no longer sustainable for human beings or the planet.

We need to include well-being in our definition of success. 

Stay connected to the essence of who you are - you will easily lose it because the society around you values money and power.

If we stay connected to the essence of who we are then we can use our inner wisdom when "running the world".

We can all then live our lives with more grace, more truth, more empathy and more gratitude.

Amen

My time belongs to someone else

Recently I came across two blog posts that were open and honest about how being a mum can sometimes be tough and tiring. I respected the authors more after reading them. I believe women should share their struggles and show each other that we are not alone. We should be open. There is no reason to hide.

The two posts were by Pia Jane Bijerk who I just discovered and was immediately drawn to and by Joanna Goddard who is essentially the reason why I write this blog of my own. You can find the posts I'm referring to here and here.

Last night I watched a British drama set in the 1950s in which a women gave birth to a premature baby. In the end it survived but it was 'touch and go' for awhile. I got very emotional thinking about how precious my little one is. I reminded myself that I would do anything for him, to protect him and make him happy.

But this morning, I was back in the real world. Today I had my once a week outdoor fitness class booked in. As always, my little man kicked up a fuss when he saw what I wearing and figured out where we are going. Usually he calms down once we've arrived and even has fun for most of the hour.

Today he wasn't having it though. As we got closer to the park where the training is, his crying got more intense. I wanted to be firm, I didn't want him to manipulate me. I wanted to give myself this 1 hour of exercise. We parked the car and I spent a little while trying to comfort him. All he wanted was to go home. I eventually decided I couldn't do it today. I wasn't feeling strong enough. I had to give in.

I shed a few tears as we drove away. I cannot make plans for myself anymore without the possibility that they might have to be broken. No time is truly my own anymore. When I first became a mum I was acutely aware of this fact every day. Now it tends to hit me in the face more rarely, but it still hurts when it does. Last night I was prepared to make any sacrifice for my son. I still am. But I can't help feeling sorry for myself when I do.

Leaving the Corporate World behind

I find myself drawn to articles about the need for more flexible work arrangements. Have a look at Women's Agenda and you will find many good ones.

When I read these articles I tend to get frustrated.

When it comes to large corporations (and law firms) talking about how they support women in the workplace and provide flexible work-place arrangements, my skeptical opinion is that its mostly lip-service. There are exceptions, but they are rare and they are most certainly not offered to new employees.

I was at a female business mentoring event recently, speaking to the female CFO of a multi-national. She had inspiring stories to tell about how women can progress in her organisation. I was motivated just listening to her. A week later, my friend who happens to work at that same organisation had her request for job-share arrangements turned down by her male manager. She had to resign as working full-time while she has two young children (1 and 3) isn't something she's prepared to do.

My conclusion is that its not possible to work flexibly for a corporation. Their mindset isn't in the right place to properly embrace it. Corporations exist to make money, not happy workers.

I left working in financial corporations about 3 years ago. I have only occasionally thought of going back, attracted by the higher salary mostly. But also by the efficiency of how they get things done (it suits my results-driven personality!). But I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm out for good now. I want to be available when my son needs me for at least another 17 years. And I can't see how that can happen if I go back to working in finance.

Part of me feels scared by this realisation, I feel trapped by cutting myself out of that huge employment market. But if I try hard enough I also liberated and excited about being able to pursue a career that has more meaning to me. Also one that is more within my own control than that of shareholders who need me to work full-time during business hours.

Everything I've been dreaming of on Work Life Balance and more....

This TedTalk by Nigel March has so many fantastic ideas in it. I thought to myself "Yes, Exactly!" and "Why doesn't everyone get this? Its so important."

I've only watched it once, just now, but I already feel like its everything I want to say about the work life balance issue, and more. Genius.

How to Make Work Life Balance Work

Nigel Marsh

Rest under a tree, out of the wind

Its windy today in Sydney. Far too windy and I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel flustered, drained, annoyed and angry at nothing and everything. 

Sarah Wilson has a post (or maybe a few) commenting on the fact that wind is bad for stirring up “vata” energy and therefore exhausts the adrenals. I think that’s why she recommends staying out the wind on her “thyroidy” days. More here and here.

But here's the thing. Compared to Sarah (I know, don't compare) I can’t do what I want, when I want. I have a 2 year old boy who needs entertainment. Its not that easy to change plans and stay inside.

Generally, my needs have to come second when he is awake. Time for myself happens when he’s sleeping. I also make the effort to schedule in baby-sitting for me time each week, but I can't predict when its going to be windy or when I am going to have a "thyroidy" day (ie, when I'm simply not in the mood). So I have to push through until the next break comes.

The thing that made me really think about this was Sarah’s recent "I ate sugar" post. It was a lovely post. She shared and embraced her vulnerability publicly which is so important to show other women that they are not alone.

But there is one thing Sarah said that I have stuck in my mind-  that she sat under a tree for 2 hours to recover from the sugar after-effects.

How many people can do that? I can't. I can sit down for only about 10 minutes and there is probably someone little (but heavy enough) crawling all over me while I’m doing it. 

I think my inability to sit under a tree could be the reason for my current "lapse". Instead of Sarah’s experience of having a “lapse” but then recovering over the rest of the day, I have a lapse and I’m back on the sugar roller coaster for good. It keeps going for days and days and only gets worse. 

I'm back on sugar now. And I have so much of it too. Box after box of chocolate biscuits and pastries and chocolate and ice cream. Its not a lapse. Its a very serious addiction and problem. But I don’t have time or space or opportunity to sit under a tree and deal with it. Instead I just reach for more and keep on going. In the wind.

I am a malformed, misguided wretch

I'm reading Caleb's Crossing by Geraldine Brooks and came across a paragraph that simultaneously infuriated and enlightened me.

Its 1661 and Bethia has just revealed to her current master a new plan to get a job in the "buttery" at Harvard College so that she can overhear the lectures taking place and learn while she is preparing meals. His response:

"This is most unwise my dear, most imprudent. These lectures are not fashioned for the unfurnished mind of the fairer sex. What need has a wife and mother to cudgel her faculties with the seven arts and the three philosophies? Have a care, or you will torment yourself into a malformed, misguided wretch...."

I was infuriated by the repression, the inequality, the unfairness.

I was enlightened by the unbearable truth in the statement. Since the majority of child-raising and home-managing is done by women (it still is all around the world, even in Scandinavia - but that's another post), then isn't it easier if this is all they know? If that is all that is ever open to them?

I'm proposing that to have a taste of freedom and intellect and then lose it is much harder and makes us much less happy than never having had those things in the first place.