I am a malformed, misguided wretch

I'm reading Caleb's Crossing by Geraldine Brooks and came across a paragraph that simultaneously infuriated and enlightened me.

Its 1661 and Bethia has just revealed to her current master a new plan to get a job in the "buttery" at Harvard College so that she can overhear the lectures taking place and learn while she is preparing meals. His response:

"This is most unwise my dear, most imprudent. These lectures are not fashioned for the unfurnished mind of the fairer sex. What need has a wife and mother to cudgel her faculties with the seven arts and the three philosophies? Have a care, or you will torment yourself into a malformed, misguided wretch...."

I was infuriated by the repression, the inequality, the unfairness.

I was enlightened by the unbearable truth in the statement. Since the majority of child-raising and home-managing is done by women (it still is all around the world, even in Scandinavia - but that's another post), then isn't it easier if this is all they know? If that is all that is ever open to them?

I'm proposing that to have a taste of freedom and intellect and then lose it is much harder and makes us much less happy than never having had those things in the first place.

Giving away my power

I find it almost impossible to say no. Its part of my unassertive personality.

I have been reading about adrenal fatigue recently as I'm sure I have it. It sounds unrelated to being unassertive, but its not. According to this website, the key to healing adrenal fatigue is to stop "giving away my power". I'm still trying to properly understand what this is. (And I'm planning to post more about healing adrenal fatigue in the coming weeks, a new focus linked to quitting sugar.)

But for now, I think I have a perfect example of giving away my power.

On Friday my boss's assistant called me to ask if I was ok switching desks with another girl in the team.

The other girl's desk is further down the corridor and away from all natural light. I love where I sit now because the people who sit around me are friendly and talkative. Coming into work 2 days per week for some social interaction is really important to me. (Most other days are spent talking with my 22 month old or having superficial conversations with other mums at the park.) The other desk is surrounded by quiet people that I don't know very well. I do not want to move.

But of course, I immediately said yes. Even when I was doing it, I knew that I was "giving away my power". I rationalised it to myself though. My boss allows me a lot of flexibility for which I am very grateful. So in return, I do not want to be a difficult employee. Also, because I only work 2 days per week in the office, do I really have the right to demand "a good desk" over others who work 5 days a week?

I have pushed my wants so far down the priority ladder that I hardly ever focus on them. And I have so little practice asking for things that I don't know how to do it. I feel like if I do ask then I'm being demanding and difficult.

Today I read this article about how saying yes is bad for your health. That article is about me. I always want to be amenable. I'm always doing "the right thing" by others. I have to change though. I still felt uneasy about saying yes to the move, it was preying on my mind.

So I've just sent a simple and polite email to my boss's assistant, asking if we could explore other solutions as I would prefer to stay at my desk. I can't believe I found it so hard to build up the courage to do it, as it was so easy in the end. And I feel better already.

Do you have trouble saying no? Is it affecting your health?

Coconut...yum, yum

I have not kept track of where I'm up to on the IQS program. In my personal opinion (the only opinion that matters, I remind myself) I am doing really well. My consumption of sugar has radically reduced.

I'm being flexible about it. I'm allowing a piece or two of fruit every other day or so. 

I've had some major blow-outs. But I'm being gentle on myself. I've moved on from those slip-ups without getting too angry at myself. I use them to remind myself how bad sugar makes me feel. Out of control, unbalanced and unhappy.

I'm going all out on the coconut front.

I have consumed more coconut in the last month than I have in years. Here is what I've tried:

• Sarah Wilson's Coconutty Granola. My recipe was slightly different to this one - no sugar, 3 cups oats, 1 cup nuts and 1/2 cup chia seeds (probably a bit too much chia)

•  Broccoli and pumpkin stir fired in coconut oil and topped with toasted coconut flakes. Best afternoon snack I've bothered to make myself in a long time.

•  A spoonful in my greet tea a la Miranda Kerr. (I couldn't taste it actually, but it left my lips velvety and smooth)

•  Every day now I drink Cocobella coconut water.

Coconut feels decadently rich. I can't help feeling guilty. So I read about its benefits often. 

You can find some other uses for coconut oil here. It leaves me feeling as though my old and creaky insides are finally getting some long-needed oiling.