My Beauty Project

I generally quite like Kasey Edwards’ articles. I like what she has to say on body image and “fat-shaming” in our culture. On occasion she has made me think twice about why I hate my body so much.

This recent article was no exception.  Its about a collection of images called “Full Beauty”. 

One phrase in particular struck me deeply the instant I read it.

A similar collection of photographs of men would, most likely, have less of an impact for the simple reason that men aren’t required to be beautiful. Because men are valued for being clever, competent, funny and ambitious, they have no need to take their clothes off to make a political statement about their worth.

I felt like I had sudden clarity over the pressure to be beautiful simply because I'm a woman. But then I realised that even if it is our culture asking something of me that I shouldn't naturally expect of myself, the facts still exist. I am a woman. I want to be beautiful.

I’m not talking size 6 model “beautiful”. I’m not even talking size 10 "she's hot" beautiful. I’m talking the right beautiful for me. The inner and outer beauty that will come from respecting my body and treating it well. 

I’m not talking about having green smoothies for breakfast (although I might try it a few times) or counting weight watchers points. I’m talking about eating how a human being is meant to eat. (Hint: we are not meant to eat processed food full of sugars and fat and chemicals.)

Not only will this bring me (hopefully) more time on this earth to send with my son, and more energy with which to do it, but it will also bring confidence and therefore happiness. I personally don’t think the women in the Full Beauty photos have the confidence or happiness they would like to have. And I don’t think they are treating their bodies very well.

How can I judge this? Because I am the same as them. I am not eating the way a human being is meant to eat. I skip meals and binge on junk food. I do not look good in my clothes. I have problems with my knees and feet because of excess weight. I am full of shame and self-loathing. And I hate myself for it all. 

Despite this, my resolve to turn it around never strengthens as much as I would like. But, at least there is resolve. And the resolve keeps returning. I think it always will, because gaining confidence from my beauty is important to me.

There’s no rush, no pressure. Just importance. 

Right now I don’t have the confidence to look into the camera. One day I will.