The third revolution for women

Today I came across a beautiful blending of two beliefs I hold passionately:

(1) The need to find a new way of working, see my post here on Nigel Marsh

(2) The need to no longer have the world run by men who value power and money. See one of my favourite TED talks by Eve Ensler about embracing the inner girl in each of us.

And also this talk by Isabelle Allende.

The talk I came across today blends each of these ideas. I give you Arianna Huffington of the Huffington Post giving a Commencement Speech:

My takeaways from what she said are:

A Third Revolution is needed to change the way women work and to change the definition of a successful career (away from the historical male made model).

Success how we have defined it is no longer sustainable for human beings or the planet.

We need to include well-being in our definition of success. 

Stay connected to the essence of who you are - you will easily lose it because the society around you values money and power.

If we stay connected to the essence of who we are then we can use our inner wisdom when "running the world".

We can all then live our lives with more grace, more truth, more empathy and more gratitude.

Amen

Wheat and Dairy Free (and sugar too)

When I was at Gaia, I ate wholesome meals such as muesli and poached fruit with yogurt or vegetable frittata for breakfast; salad, avocado on sprouted grain bread, kale soup and bean casserole for lunch; and grilled prawns or chicken with vegetables for dinner and fruit based desserts. I rarely snacked and if I did, it was on nuts or fruit. I drank a lot of herbal tea.

The food they provided was very low in sugar, wheat and dairy. It was extremely different to my regular diet.

Lunch Day 1

Lunch Day 2

After eating like this for just 2 days I feel fantastic. I felt lighter in every aspect.  I was at peace with my eating. After just 2 days I even felt like my pants were looser around the waist.

I saw a naturopath when I was there who reminded me of the Type A diet I should be following for my blood type- not only low in meat but also low in wheat and dairy. So I tried to keep the dairy and wheat intake low when I got home. They started to slowly creep back in here and there. I thought to myself that once per week was ok. And I still felt good.

Then I started drinking milky coffee 3 times per week. Then I started eating bread occasionally and then the chocolate, pastries and biscuits followed suit. The overeating and the junk is back and so is feeling bloated and uncomfortable. The contrast is incredible. I feel so heavy and big that I even find it harder to breathe.

My body is telling me LOUD and clear (using the same words I hear from my son all day) :  "I DON'T LIKE IT!" It doesn't like having to process all this crap.

I need to listen to how I feel.



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My time belongs to someone else

Recently I came across two blog posts that were open and honest about how being a mum can sometimes be tough and tiring. I respected the authors more after reading them. I believe women should share their struggles and show each other that we are not alone. We should be open. There is no reason to hide.

The two posts were by Pia Jane Bijerk who I just discovered and was immediately drawn to and by Joanna Goddard who is essentially the reason why I write this blog of my own. You can find the posts I'm referring to here and here.

Last night I watched a British drama set in the 1950s in which a women gave birth to a premature baby. In the end it survived but it was 'touch and go' for awhile. I got very emotional thinking about how precious my little one is. I reminded myself that I would do anything for him, to protect him and make him happy.

But this morning, I was back in the real world. Today I had my once a week outdoor fitness class booked in. As always, my little man kicked up a fuss when he saw what I wearing and figured out where we are going. Usually he calms down once we've arrived and even has fun for most of the hour.

Today he wasn't having it though. As we got closer to the park where the training is, his crying got more intense. I wanted to be firm, I didn't want him to manipulate me. I wanted to give myself this 1 hour of exercise. We parked the car and I spent a little while trying to comfort him. All he wanted was to go home. I eventually decided I couldn't do it today. I wasn't feeling strong enough. I had to give in.

I shed a few tears as we drove away. I cannot make plans for myself anymore without the possibility that they might have to be broken. No time is truly my own anymore. When I first became a mum I was acutely aware of this fact every day. Now it tends to hit me in the face more rarely, but it still hurts when it does. Last night I was prepared to make any sacrifice for my son. I still am. But I can't help feeling sorry for myself when I do.

Leaving the Corporate World behind

I find myself drawn to articles about the need for more flexible work arrangements. Have a look at Women's Agenda and you will find many good ones.

When I read these articles I tend to get frustrated.

When it comes to large corporations (and law firms) talking about how they support women in the workplace and provide flexible work-place arrangements, my skeptical opinion is that its mostly lip-service. There are exceptions, but they are rare and they are most certainly not offered to new employees.

I was at a female business mentoring event recently, speaking to the female CFO of a multi-national. She had inspiring stories to tell about how women can progress in her organisation. I was motivated just listening to her. A week later, my friend who happens to work at that same organisation had her request for job-share arrangements turned down by her male manager. She had to resign as working full-time while she has two young children (1 and 3) isn't something she's prepared to do.

My conclusion is that its not possible to work flexibly for a corporation. Their mindset isn't in the right place to properly embrace it. Corporations exist to make money, not happy workers.

I left working in financial corporations about 3 years ago. I have only occasionally thought of going back, attracted by the higher salary mostly. But also by the efficiency of how they get things done (it suits my results-driven personality!). But I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm out for good now. I want to be available when my son needs me for at least another 17 years. And I can't see how that can happen if I go back to working in finance.

Part of me feels scared by this realisation, I feel trapped by cutting myself out of that huge employment market. But if I try hard enough I also liberated and excited about being able to pursue a career that has more meaning to me. Also one that is more within my own control than that of shareholders who need me to work full-time during business hours.

Before & After Gaia

I'm just back from a 2 night break at the Gaia retreat & spa and I have a lot to write about.

But for now, here are two poems. I copied Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote two poems at the beginning and end of her stay at an ashram in India. The first poem I wrote a few nights before I left. The second poem came to me during a yoga session on the final morning.

                                                                         ------

Worried, Blocked, Tight, Anxious
Blob, blah, tired, fat
Slow, bulge, Me, ugh
My Tom, My Tom, me

Lost, Confused
Pushing for an answer
Don't want to be away
Never think of anything else

If only, one day
Abstract dreams
Today down, today eat

                                                                          -------


I am here
Nurture me
Love me
I will come back

I am Light
I am Love
I am worthy

I am here
Nurture me
Care for me
I will come back

Rainy Monday Observations

1. I always look at the ground in front of me when I walk. If I consciously push my shoulder blades back and down and push my chest out and proud then I'm facing the world and I feel more confident. It will also delay my dowager's hump which is on its way courtesy of my mother and her genes. Remember - eyes up, chest out, shoulder square!

2. My periods are heavier and I have more clots when I am more overweight. I was thinking that the bad periods were a side-effect of the extra weight. But now I've had a mental shift. Both the heavy periods and the extra weight a side effects of eating badly. I simply need to eat better and both symptoms (the periods and the extra weight) would get better. Simple. (Come on brain, come on motivation- eat better! Eat how a human being is meant to eat.....)

3. I went to the effort to make this Dr Oz quinoa porridge for breakfast. It was sh!t, even with strawberries and sweetened coconut added in. And it left me hungry.

4. I crave chocolate all the time. My favourite time eat chocolate is breakfast time. Period or not.

My Beauty Project

I generally quite like Kasey Edwards’ articles. I like what she has to say on body image and “fat-shaming” in our culture. On occasion she has made me think twice about why I hate my body so much.

This recent article was no exception.  Its about a collection of images called “Full Beauty”. 

One phrase in particular struck me deeply the instant I read it.

A similar collection of photographs of men would, most likely, have less of an impact for the simple reason that men aren’t required to be beautiful. Because men are valued for being clever, competent, funny and ambitious, they have no need to take their clothes off to make a political statement about their worth.

I felt like I had sudden clarity over the pressure to be beautiful simply because I'm a woman. But then I realised that even if it is our culture asking something of me that I shouldn't naturally expect of myself, the facts still exist. I am a woman. I want to be beautiful.

I’m not talking size 6 model “beautiful”. I’m not even talking size 10 "she's hot" beautiful. I’m talking the right beautiful for me. The inner and outer beauty that will come from respecting my body and treating it well. 

I’m not talking about having green smoothies for breakfast (although I might try it a few times) or counting weight watchers points. I’m talking about eating how a human being is meant to eat. (Hint: we are not meant to eat processed food full of sugars and fat and chemicals.)

Not only will this bring me (hopefully) more time on this earth to send with my son, and more energy with which to do it, but it will also bring confidence and therefore happiness. I personally don’t think the women in the Full Beauty photos have the confidence or happiness they would like to have. And I don’t think they are treating their bodies very well.

How can I judge this? Because I am the same as them. I am not eating the way a human being is meant to eat. I skip meals and binge on junk food. I do not look good in my clothes. I have problems with my knees and feet because of excess weight. I am full of shame and self-loathing. And I hate myself for it all. 

Despite this, my resolve to turn it around never strengthens as much as I would like. But, at least there is resolve. And the resolve keeps returning. I think it always will, because gaining confidence from my beauty is important to me.

There’s no rush, no pressure. Just importance. 

Right now I don’t have the confidence to look into the camera. One day I will.